First Draft
The only person who can let somebody mentally hurt you, is you. You have the decision to make the best of a situation, or mope around. You have to choose wether what somebody says really matters. You can choose to be a more pleasant person by acting like Ms.Hurston. You have a choice to be like Ms. Hurston and ignore as much negativity as you can.
TS) Ms. Hurston, the author of "How it Feels to be Colored me", seems like a type of person who i would enjoy having around. SD) Ms.Hurston clearly stated in her essay that she does not believe in self pity. CM) She does,"not weep at the world". CM) She accepts the facts of life and does not take the time to question them. CM) This makes her easy to tolerate. SD) The fact that "it fails to register depression" within her is also a strong quality. CM)She is always looking at the "glass half full".CM) Someone who is always looking on the bright side is very enjoyable to be around.SD) Her mentality is far more evolved from everyone else's mentality. CM) It makes her powerful. CM) It makes her stronger. CS) Her ability to accept herself makes her somebody who is not a bother to be around.
1) One pleasant quality I have is that I am a very well rounded person, a person who looks at all views of a situation,a person who accepts all opinions, a person who listens to others,a person who does not judge, a person who gets involved in all sorts of activities, a person who thinks before they act, a person who trys to be a good friend, a person who is aware of others feelings, a person who is conscious of others differences, a person who respect the world and others around them, a person who trys to be the best person they can be. 2) I am versatile.
Your view on the world affects how others view you. Its a fact that most people enjoy being with people who think on the bright-side. Optimism is a quality that is great to have. To have optimism is to be a better person, like Ms.Hurston.
6 comments:
Asia, check those two short sentences at the end. They're actually not sentences -- just fragments. You could probably say, "It makes her powerful."
Good luck -- and remember to make your first drafts as perfect as possible, because I do grade them.
Asia, in this phrase -- "...rounded person, who looks..." -- in order to make it an appositive, you need to begin with another noun describing "person". You could say "...rounded person, a girl who looks ...". GOOD LUCK!
Asia,
I love how well you blend in your quotes! They flow so well with the sentence! GOOD JOB!
Some suggestions would be in your second paragraph you might want to pick either "a person" or "who" (You don't have to, I had those same words and Mr. Salsich said to me that I may want to choose one.
Another comment would be the book is actually called "How It Feels to be Colored Me" and remember to capitilize all important words!
GREAT WORK ASIA!
Asia
One thing I really like in your essay is how well you blend in your quotes! They fit perfectly
Some things you could work on is 1: the book is actually called "How it Feels to be Colored Me" make sure you capitilize all important words
2: In your 2nd paragraph you may just want to pick "a person" or "who" (It was a comment I got from Mr. Salsich because I put the same words
GREAT JOB ASIA
Asia This is a great essay! You need a great job of blending your quotes smoothly. One thing I noticed is that you used the word pleasant twice, I think that if you replaced that with a synonym of pleasant it would great. I also think that in your first body paragraph you could give examples of how she can register depression and things of that nature.
-Joseph
Asia, this is a great essay. I noticed you really blended the words smoothly in with your quotes. I also saw that you used the word pleasant twice, I think you could exchange on of the times you used it for a different word. I also think that you could be more specific in the first paragraph when you talk about her strength and things like that.
-Joseph
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