Asia Carter
Hamilton Salsich
English 9
November 3, 2009
A fathers affect:
An Essay on James Baldwin's essay "Notes of a Native Son".
1) How would not having a Father impact your life? 2) A positive male role model is something a boy needs to build a stable life.3) Would it hurt to have a father who really didn't care about your feelings? 4) Have you ever realized how important your father's love is?
TS) James Baldwin's essay,made me think about my strong relationship with my father. SD) I feel like James knew what he was missing by not having a bond with his father. CM) A father is a main character in a boys life. CM) A father helps guide a young boy to be a strong man. SD) My father and I have a tight bond. CM) He understands me better than anyone else. CM) He is someone I feel that I can tell just about anything. SD)Without my father's love I would not be the person I am today. CM) I would not have such strong core values that my father taught me to have. CM) Also I would not have such a great example of how not giving up most likely will have a positive ending. CS) I can only imagine how much pain not having a loving father must have caused him.
1) James Baldwin made the choice to not accept his father. 2)He regretted this decision after his father's death because he then had the time to reminisce their past. 3) He finally understood that his father was in fact a good father. 4) He wished he could have realized this years before his fathers death instead of hours after.
Wednesday, 28 October 2009
Essay 6
Posted by Asj.(: at 16:12
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4 comments:
Asia, in this CM -- "CM) As a juvenile he never thought that maybe his father protecting him was just a sign of love" -- you might mention yourself again, just to tie it back to the SD.
Also, this chunk --
"SD) The last paragraph interests me. CM) I like how he wished to have,"searched his face for the answers" CM) This shows how much of a person James have grown" --
is very vague. I don't see a specific main point in the SD, and the CMs are quite vague. This chunk needs to be carefully rewritten.
GOOD LUCK!
Asia, I may have memntioned this before, but this chunk (below) needs considerable work. It's really pretty vague. The SD doesn't state a specific topic, and the CMs are quite vague, also. See what you can do about this:
"SD) Like James I have also grown.CM) I choose to take on my problems instead of ignoring them. CM) Also I have learned that every single mistake I make is not something to frown about just something to work on."
Hey Asia
I really like your topic sentence it is really powerful. However, the second CM in the second chunk is a bit awkward and vague, maybe you can explain this a little further to get your a point across.
Asia,
I. like how you had almost every sentence in your introduction paragraph a question. It was an interesting thing to do and it works
1. you don't need to capitalize father.
2. you might consider having the part about James Baldwin in the begining of the essay and then have your relationship with your father come after (just because the assignment was to talk about the last paragraph which talks about James Baldwin and his dad) I think if you do that the CS will flow better
Great Job!
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